facebollox

Genius concept, wish I´d thought of it.

But really. There are 4 categories of facebook users, which one are you?

1. Popularity Contest - those who seek safety in numbers, fakeass wannabes, deeply insecure types who probably have small penises or sexuality issues...perhaps victims of child abuse or abandonment/broken homes. Don´t be their friend, they don´t give a damn about you.

2. Me Me Me´s - those who think anybody gives a fuck about their every move-thought-favourite youtube clip etc etc. (I am in this category & so is anbody else who has a blog). These people have delusions of granduer, don´t humour them, you´re only fueling the fire.

3. Bored Housewives - what else is there to do while baby´s sleeping and daddy´s off on yet another client dinner (read hotel room with his secretary). Reach out to these people, you could be their lifeline, their only form of human contact. Do your bit to make them feel like they are making a valuable contribution to society. Show them some of the love they´re missing from their own god-damned sonofabitch cheating ass husbands.

4. Wannabe Hipsters - those who have no time, energy, nor inclination for such bollox but don´t want to appear out of touch. These people are harmless & deserve respect for making the effort, even if it is a bit shallow and you wonder why the fuck they even bothered to open an account since they never offer a status update let alone have the good manners to occassionally comment on your literary genius efforts.

Protocol - now when are the good (sic) people at facebook HQ gonna get down with some rules? Like how many youtube postings are you allowed in one day? Come on man, I love some of those tunes people post, but nothing fucks me off more than when my whole home page is taken up by some homie who has come home wasted at 6am or sprinkled something special on their cornflakes and decided to send out their top 10 all time greatest hits according to how much crack they just smoked and what club they just rolled out of. I mean trust me, I´m feelin' it too, but I just know there´s a limit to what I can get away with before people start to go 'guess who's been out on the crack all nite?' and I don´t want anybody to know about my little crack problem. So it´s self control. And if there is no self control, well this is where I say that HQ need to dish out some Protocol tools and shut this shit down! Like did you know you can´t open more than three hotmail accounts in one day? Well you can´t. Now that´s the kind of shit I´m talking about. Maybe a little facist, but lordy lordy, shut that shit down I say.

Same goes for 'what's on your mind' (who the fuck at HQ came up with that dippy hippy trippy shit? It amazes me that they haven´t turned the box where you write your update into some big blinding cyrstal gleaming out of the screen at you...fucking hippies). How many times should you update this? Hey, if u wanna do it more than once or twice a day, get a fucking twitter account you egomaniac douche-bag! (By the way, just because Aston Kutchner has got over a million twitter friends, that doesn´t mean I think he has a small penis...but maybe he has been sexually abused by Demi Moore, which could explain why he is a Category 1 with his 1m friends)

Then there´s the Quiz thing. Don´t start me on the quiz thing. I am going to start writing my own quizes actually. Mine are going to be themed along the lines of 'How Fucking Stupid Do You Have To Be To Take This Quiz?', 'How Much Time Have You Got On Your Hands To Do This Completely Inane Quiz?', 'Which Alien or Robot Movie Character Were You In A Previous Life?', 'Which Football Player Would I Be In My Fucking Dreams If I Even Knew How To Kick A Ball?' 'How Would I Use My Brain If I Had One?' (this one might be asking a bit much of the quizzers) 'What Kind Of Sadass Am I? lonely? bored? low IQ? just been dumped escapist? Choose one...whichever you choose, the answer is: face it! you´re just a TOTAL fucking sadass for doing this bullshit quiz, you need to get a life!

Hmmmm. There´s so much more to add here, but I have to go check my facebook...